Her Name is Andrea
When someone loses a spouse, there is usually a period of intense mourning and sadness. You’re in shock—overwhelmed and unsure of everything.
But at some point, you start to open yourself up to a new future. And one of the biggest questions about that future has to do with opening yourself up to dating again. Even that question carries so many sub-questions:
Do I put myself out there, or just wait for someone to drop in my lap?
Do I only date locally, or am I open to a long-distance relationship?
Do I want to date casually/socially, or am I looking only for a potential longer-term relationship?
What are other people going to think?
There are so many questions that go through your mind. For me, the biggest of them all was, “When is the right time?”
The common mantra is to wait a year. One person told me two years. Other people who have been widowed and are a little older in life shared this advice: “You are old enough to know what you want, so don’t wait too long. You’ll know when you’re ready.”
In my case, I had started to grieve Stephanie nineteen months before she passed. I can actually tell you the location and the exact date when the realization hit me that she was slipping rather fast—both physically and mentally—and that, barring a miracle, the woman I fell in love with was not coming back.
Her death was still sudden, even if it was not unexpected. Though I had been preparing myself, it hit me much harder than I ever could’ve imagined. Those first couple of months were absolutely brutal.
I got involved in what turned out to be an amazing GriefShare group, started seeing a counselor, and was meeting with a spiritual director—all in an attempt to be sure I was processing my grief in a healthy way. I wanted to make sure I wasn’t running, self-medicating, or trying to escape the pain of my loss.
Yet, at some point, I felt I was ready and desired some companionship. I wasn’t looking for a serious relationship yet, but I did long for interaction with other women in a similar season of life. I had coffee with a few ladies here in Arizona who were also widowed and looking to start over. I had several online interactions through emails, phone calls, and FaceTime conversations.
But there was one woman who kept standing out. Her name is Andrea.
From our very first conversation, I felt a unique connection. She loved the Lord, was well-read in many of the same authors and genres that I’m drawn to, and displayed a spiritual depth that I admired. She was cute, kind, sensitive, and compassionate—yet not passive or a pushover.
I found that she has three adult children who are well-grounded and responsible. She is smart and goal-oriented, with a doctoral degree and two master’s degrees. She’s an Anglican priest, a certified spiritual director, and an Ignatian guide. She’s also the author of a Christian romance novel entitled Stepping Stones.
After talking for a couple of months, she flew out to Arizona and we spent a couple of days together. I then flew to Tennessee to spend a few days with her and meet some of the people in her world. As we spent time together, I discovered that she loves to travel, is adventurous, and fun to be with—all of which deepened my attraction to her.
Our friendship and relationship have been growing ever since.
While this has not been a secret to my boys and a small number of people in my inner circle, I do feel it’s time to go public and let others know about this wonderful woman who has come into my life.
I know some may be surprised, and others may have questions—and that’s okay. All I can say is that God has been kind. Andrea has brought joy, depth, and love back into my life. This isn’t about forgetting the past—it’s about embracing the future with openness and hope. And for that, I am grateful.
Thank you for reading. And please pray for us.
NOTE: If you want to learn more about Andrea and her heart for the Lord, you can visit her webpage at https://andreaherlong.com
