When the Ring Comes Off
Yesterday on my walk, I was talking with a woman from the U.S. The flow of the conversation led to our reasons for walking the Camino. I shared with her about my sabbatical and also about the past couple of years of caring for Stephanie as her health deteriorated. I then shared with her how Stephanie passed away last year, and when I did, I looked down at my ring finger and noticed that the indentation from my wedding ring is still there.
The reason this stood out to me is because I took off my wedding ring 15 weeks ago. And yet, after three and a half months of not wearing it, the imprint of 35 years remains. It doesn’t just go away when you take the ring off.
What is true physically can also true emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.
The Bible is very clear that when we enter into marriage, we are embarking on a journey of oneness (Genesis 2:24; Matt. 19:5–6). This is more than just saying “I do” or being sexually intimate. Rather, it is a lifelong process in which we learn to give and receive. We vulnerably share joys, struggles, and fears. Our self-centeredness and pride are exposed, forcing us to grow if we have any hope of finding peace and lasting happiness.
Ideally, in a committed marriage, both parties mature. They continue to change and grow as individuals and as a couple. And if this happens, a deepening love emerges. It is more than just attraction or libido. It is what the Bible would call agape love.
When writing about marriage, the Apostle Paul likened it to Christ and the Church, calling it a profound mystery (Eph. 5:31–32). In other words, when two people commit themselves to one another, a bond evolves—one that is hard to fully describe.
But here’s the deal… we don’t often understand the sacredness and mystery of marriage until it’s over. Whether by death or divorce, once the union has ended, we are confronted with thoughts and emotions we cannot explain or always manage. We think we should be able to move forward. And in some cases, we’re even excited about new opportunities. Yet, there are thoughts and emotions we cannot outrun.
We can move ahead and step into a new reality—but the emotional, mental, and spiritual elements of our union don’t quickly fade. We have received love, intimacy, and shared experiences. We have given a part of ourselves that we cannot get back.
The mark on my finger is more than skin-deep—it’s soul-deep. And I think maybe that’s how it should be.
